Black Friday. Self-named Line Monitors and Non-Working Coupons
Neither Jeanette nor I had ever done the shop-in-the-middle of the night Black Friday thing before, so, last night/this morning, we tried it. For “the experience”.
We stopped at the closest watering hole to the Mall first. I’d suggest that. Just to, you know, get ready. We were apparently going to save MILLIONS.
Either the Beatles had a reunion tour scheduled in the Jewelry department, or Macy’s was handing out $500 bills just inside the door at Midnight. This now seemed like a good idea. Strategy developed at the bar was already required- a single line at one door, this disorganized entry point, or the main Mall entrance and head for the upstairs entrance.
Since the first target was a $99 tree, and we had only 8 minutes (Jeanette had timing duties), the entry point was decided. This was it, we were going in.
Alas, the search for the tree was short. There was a reason it was $99.
From there, we did snatch a half-price deal on some Holiday plates, tried on some clothes and then moved on to the key opportunities for “experience”- the Line Monitors and the Coupons-That-Never-Work.
I am reasonably sure that Macy’s had met with their retailing friends at the Mall, and laid out the strategy of rolling openings throughout the night. Over coffee, they did rock/paper/scissors and Toys “R” Us got first shot, then Macy’s at midnight, Jacque Penne at 3, etc., etc.,- just to keep us excited for a new door to open. Wal-Mart didn’t go along, or missed the memo. They opened at 9, right after “Charlie Brown Thanksgiving”. We watched Charlie, we skipped Wally World.
It seemed almost from the moment we surged through the door at Macy’s, people had stacks of crock pots and comforter bags and were looking to descend on a defenseless checkout associate. Because I mistakenly looked at other items before deciding on my purchase of a Martha Stewart retail-pricing strategy bed sheet set, I was destined to meet my first Self-named Line Monitor.
When Macy’s decided to open at midnight, they didn’t do anything to establish where to STAND in the lines in the aisles waiting for the defenseless checkout person. Enter the Monitor:
HER: “The Line starts OVER THERE behind (a different) HER.”
ME: “Oh”.
Heck, I didn’t know any different, so I moved over one of the tiny little aisles of stuff they have there and got in line behind the designated “HER”.
That’s when four of the Self-named Monitor’s friends and their 3 crock pots and 5 comforter bags EACH sidled into another little side row next to the Monitor.
THEM: “Did you get the free pillows?” “Can you believe this line???”
THAT was when I realized the Self-Named Monitor had moved me over behind “HER” to facilitate the 3 crock pots and 5 comforter bags folks to CUT IN LINE.
Uh-huh.
ME: “Excuse me, Ms. Self-named Line Monitor, but since you were kind enough to point out to ME where the line started, I suppose you’ll do the same for your friends and their 3 crock pots and 5 comforter bags.”
ALL OF THEM: (Glare).
But they moved. Sweet. Victory.
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So, after we got our little line differences worked out it was time to use the Coupon-That-Never-Works.
You see, I had selected the retail-pricing strategy Martha Stewart sheets. That’s ridiculously-priced at $160, but just for you RIGHT NOW, $80. Since I had so much time on my hands in line with the crockpots-and-comforters crowd breathing down the back of my neck from BEHIND ME, I used the price scanner we glided by to confirm. See, I told the Self-named Monitor’s friends, $80!
(Glare).
By now, I had reached the defenseless checkout person, and of course, the Coupon-That-Never-Works did its magic. It, um, didn’t work. Because I was getting SUCH a great deal, exception number 34 on the coupon (out of 200) kicked in. It is explained clearly on the coupon as “you’re already getting a good deal”.
Oh.
But then, thanks to the coupon-cutting queen Jeanette is, I had the crock pots-and-comforters crowd totally wowed with my coupon prowess. I had just waved the Coupon-That-Never-Works for show, because I KNEW it NEVER WORKS. What, you didn’t know that??
Out of my pocket came the coupon that DID work, $10 off my purchase.
To end the evening on a high note, the defenseless checkout person explained to me that “looked like the best deal”. To reassure me.
Thank goodness that $10 off of $80 is better than 15% off of $80.
I knew that. Not sure whether the glaring crock pots-and-comforters Self-named Monitor’s friends got that good a deal. I didn’t wait to find out.
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PHOTO CREDIT: thegreenhead.com
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